If you have clicked on this link because you have recently lost someone and your world looks very different I offer my deepest condolences.
The Chinese philosophical understanding of grief, particularly its connection to the Po spirit and the Metal element in Traditional Chinese Medicine (TCM), can offer a unique perspective to Western approaches to processing grief. While Western views, especially those rooted in psychology, often emphasize the emotional and psychological aspects of grief, integrating insights from Chinese philosophy can provide a more holistic approach, linking emotional, physical, and spiritual dimensions of healing.
My specialty is combining these two different approaches to enrich our understanding and offer a compassionate treatment strategy for people coping with grief.
### 1. Mind-Body Connection
In both Chinese and Western approaches, the mind-body connection is essential in understanding grief. In TCM, unresolved grief is believed to manifest physically, particularly affecting the lungs. This idea resonates with the Western understanding that grief can have physical symptoms such as tightness in the chest, shortness of breath, and fatigue.
- Western Connection: Psychosomatic medicine in the West acknowledges that emotions can manifest as physical symptoms. For example, grief is often linked to feelings of heaviness or pain in the chest, sometimes described as "heartache" or a feeling of being unable to breathe properly. The Chinese notion that grief affects the lungs parallels these experiences, making the metaphorical real by focusing on how emotional imbalance can directly affect the body.
- Integration: This TCM concept encourages Westerners to be more mindful of how grief not only affects their emotional state but also their physical health. Practices such as breathwork, mindfulness, or even light exercise can help process grief on a bodily level, much like how TCM might emphasize breathing exercises or acupuncture to restore the flow of energy through the lungs.
### 2. Grief as a Natural Process
In both Chinese philosophy (particularly Daoism) and Western psychology, grief is seen as a natural process that needs to be acknowledged and expressed, rather than suppressed. However, Chinese thought emphasizes a deeper connection to nature’s cycles and the importance of allowing emotions to follow their natural course without resistance, often using metaphors drawn from nature (like the falling leaves in autumn, symbolizing release and change).
- Western Connection: Western approaches, such as Elisabeth Kübler-Ross's stages of grief (denial, anger, bargaining, depression, acceptance), recognize grief as a journey or process. However, Western culture sometimes places pressure on individuals to "move on" quickly or suppress their emotions to appear strong. There is a focus on reaching the "end" of grief rather than seeing it as a continuous process that ebbs and flows.
- Integration: The Daoist notion of Wu Wei (non-resistance or "going with the flow") offers a fresh perspective for Westerners. Instead of rushing through grief or trying to control it, one might be encouraged to accept the emotion as part of the natural rhythm of life, trusting that, like autumn, it is a temporary phase that will pass in due time. This approach can encourage more self-compassion and patience during the grieving process.
### 3. Letting Go vs. Clinging
In TCM and Daoism, grief relates to the Metal element, which is about letting go and release. The act of breathing itself—**inhalation (taking in)** and exhalation (letting go)—mirrors this theme. The lungs, as the organ of Metal, facilitate this exchange and are connected to the need to release attachments in life. Holding on to grief, much like holding one's breath, stagnates energy and harms well-being.
- Western Connection: Western psychotherapy also acknowledges the importance of letting go as a part of grieving. In cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT), for instance, there is a focus on recognizing unhealthy attachments and learning to reframe thoughts around loss. However, this can sometimes focus more on cognitive processing rather than the body’s role in holding onto grief.
- Integration: By emphasizing the physical act of release, such as breathwork or symbolic rituals of letting go (e.g., writing letters to lost loved ones and then burning them), a Westerner can more fully engage with the process of release, understanding that grieving is not just a mental task, but also something the body needs to enact. This holistic approach honors the need for both emotional and physical release.
### 4. Rituals and Structure for Mourning
In Confucianism, there is an emphasis on the proper observance of mourning rituals. The structured period of mourning for parents or loved ones is meant to provide an outlet for grief, ensuring it is expressed in a balanced way. This framework acknowledges that grief needs time and space to be processed and that communal acknowledgment of loss is essential.
- Western Connection: Many Western cultures also value ritual, whether religious or personal, as part of the grieving process (e.g., funerals, memorials). However, with the increasing secularization of society, some individuals may find themselves lacking structured ways to mourn, which can leave them feeling isolated or unsupported.
- Integration: Drawing inspiration from Confucian traditions, a Westerner could create or participate in more intentional rituals for grieving, even if they are personal rather than religious. This could include setting aside specific times to remember a loved one, participating in community support groups, or creating new family traditions to honor those who have passed. Structure helps contain grief in a healthy way, providing a balance between emotional expression and the eventual return to daily life.
### 5. Breath as a Healing Tool
In TCM, the lungs' connection to grief highlights the importance of breathwork in healing. Qigong or meditation practices emphasize breath control to help restore balance in the body, calm the mind, and move through emotional blockages.
- Western Connection: In the West, practices like mindfulness meditation, yoga, and deep breathing exercises have become popular tools for managing stress and grief. Research in the West has shown that mindfulness practices can help individuals cope with emotional pain by focusing on the present moment and reducing emotional reactivity.
- Integration: Westerners can integrate more focused breathwork into their grief processing, learning from TCM and Daoist practices that emphasize the power of the breath in managing emotions. Breath-centered practices like diaphragmatic breathing or alternate nostril breathing could be incorporated into a daily routine to help release pent-up grief and calm the nervous system.
### Cranford Acupuncture: A Holistic Approach to Grief
1. A deeper appreciation for the physical manifestations of grief, recognizing that the body holds emotions in tangible ways. Acupuncture can help with feelings of chest tightness or insomnia.
2. A greater patience and acceptance of the natural process of grief, aligning with the Daoist view of life’s cycles. There are acupuncture points specific to move Qi and help the flow of natural emotions.
3. More effective tools for emotional release, such as breathwork and mindfulness, which draw on the lungs' connection to letting go. The Lung meridian is particularly suited for this and we use its paired channel ,the Large Intestine, to help with letting go too.
By combining Western psychological insights with Chinese philosophical approaches, particularly those related to the Po spirit and the Metal element, a more holistic model of grief emerges. Dr Elisa recognizes that grief as not just an emotional or cognitive experience but a process that involves the body, mind, and spirit. Moreover, grief is not necessarily an emotion that ever really goes away. It can ebb and flow, subside at times or come roaring back. At Cranford Acupuncture you will be able to look upon yourself with compassion, give yourself time and space and when ready find moments of joy and laughter again.
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